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::a very special day::
thank you for helping. am really grateful. hope you were not late. (:
i have decided to give up photography. every photography session is a guilt trip. i have to keep saying sorry. perhaps it's just not me. after going to school and learning new stuff, i realise that the reason why i am in school is not the reason why i am going to stay in school afterall. i am sorry, cheeyong, that i said i was interested and passionate about photography and that i would become a photographer. forgive me. afterall i was just a girl who was barely 17.
expectations. and the disappointments that come when expectations are not met breaks a person. i feel broken. and i cant pick myself up anymore. and i am not trying. too tired. perhaps when there is someone like richard avedon or don mccullin who will inspire me, i will maybe, pick up the camera and shoot nice things again.
i am becoming too comfortable with myself that i wanna be on my own all the time. i enjoy the peace and quietness, and it's not loneliness. it's a nice feeling. of silence, of peace, of stillness. i cant understand God's creation, Man anymore. i realise that people dont see the need to give as much as you do. nor do they appreciate you the way you enjoy their presence. perhaps it's just me. designed to be alone.
a personal message before i go. hey bro, it's really nice to walk beside you again. the silence was awkward, but listening to your footsteps again in the night is something that is so uncommon. when was the last time i really heard you talk, served you food, walked with you. thank you for being such a good brother. i look up to ya, y'noe. from young. people call me your carbon copy, i sometimes feel proud to be called that, coz you are just so amazing to me. will wait for the day when we will talk again.
i love my grandma. she's my best model.
obliging. professional. beautiful. to me.
i am still reachable here.
will you love me. shirley